Coward?

Before I left camp yesterday, CPT Lim wanted the personnel, who volunteered to help out in Aceh, to reconsider their decisions.

He spoke of the harsh conditions in Aceh, no proper food and water, the presence of rebels, and the possibility that we may come home traumatised for life, if we even do come home alive. If an officer like him does not even have the confidence to help out in Aceh, then how can I, a mere soldier, expect to be of greater help to those victims?

I had really wanted to go and help out in this operation and to gain new experiences. However, the risk of losing everything that I currently possess greatly outweights my sense of adventure. Not drinking clean water and sleeping in the mud is not of much concern to me. Rather, I am afraid that I may come home short of a leg or arm. Does the decision to withdraw show that I am a coward?

CPT Lim felt that I am not suitable to go for this operation as he believes that I am more of a perfectionist, unable to take failures. Perharps his words are true. This incident gives me another resolution for the year: To be a stronger person both mentally and physically.